I'm glad you and I, and anyone/everyone(?) else with insane daddy issues are having fun(?) with this fic 😭💔

When I write, getting into either HJ or SH's headspace is always so fucked because I'm pulling from two very different places and experiences when I'm in either of their heads and trying to translate it onto the page. There's a lot of stuff that's difficult to articulate so I turn it over a lot or, admittedly, avoid it for a bit before trying again and therefore take forever to release these chapters.

It's funny because I randomly decided to play with this trope one day, wrote the first two chapters basically all in one go and posted it one after the other, and it was all fun and games before I realised that I actually had to finish the fic and let it go somewhere in order to do so, so then I started taking it seriously and #projecting onto it as a result and then things derailed from there...now it's probably gonna be a 100k monster full of fucked shit.

I don't know what happened. I got possessed.

Thank you very very much for enjoying ABMB. It really was just a self-indulgent thing, so I'm glad others like it as much as they do.

I hope the next two chapters don't disappoint.

It's not a stupid question at all, don't worry ! I purposely wrote the scene so that HJ's intentions might go over the reader's head because that's how SH would've felt—confused and blindsided.

HJ will touch on it a bit in the second part of the chapter, but what he did was in an effort to make SH understand what coercion feels like. Throughout the fic, SH is constantly ignoring obvious boundaries, even if HJ doesn't state it out loud, his discomfort or reluctance is evident but SH ignores it in pursuit of his own desires.

So HJ did to SH what SH did to him. He ignored SH's discomfort, interrupted his attempts at protest, made it clear that any hope to resist being lead into doing what he didn't want to do would be ignored, and in doing so he forced SH into compliance.

Coercion is a violation and HJ was sick of SH taking advantage of the fact that he isn't in the position to refuse him, so he decided to teach SH a lesson.

I hope this was enough of an explanation. If not, you're always free to question me some more !

Thank you for reading and enjoying ♡

HJ is not okay. He is doing his best with what he has. He can't let SH go/make him leave because SH's too unstable (I have entertained the possibility of HJ making SH leave and SH's reaction is NOT a good one and the only outcome is even worse so I'm not letting that happen)

So all HJ can do is put a stop to the source of his frustration by either ending it by way of force or giving SH what he wants before the violence HJ is expressing outwardly passes the point of control or it turns inward and he becomes self destructive...and he can't afford self-destructive behaviour because SH is dependent on him so....

Naturally, he'll choose the lesser of evils: surrender.

Yes it will come at the cost of sacrificing his morality, sense of self, mental wellness etc etc—BUT ! SH will be happy...and that's all that matters :)

I'm assuming you're being unserious but I'll answer as if you aren't...

Hm, I'm not sure.

Relating to a character a lot might make you feel seen and understood amongst other things so attachment to not only the character but the one who created them and therefore 'understands you' in relation to the character might stem from there.

It's the same as favouring any artist, isn't it ? Everyone has their favourite musician, author, etc...because what they create resonates with them deeply on a personal level.

I think only you can answer that question then. Love in any form, any feeling really, is an experience that is different for everyone so who am I to say what love means to you, how far it extends or when or how you feel it ?

Which character are you talking about though ? 👀

Ah, I see...I'm not surprised that some might view their relationship and think about it through a 'normal' lens because I imagine that's what most people's point of reference is for a romantic/sexual relationship, right ? Something normal... So it's easy to forget about the elephant in the room while you're reading what is essentially a 'getting together' fic. It's interesting how that works purely because to most people a relationship like this is completely bizarre to imagine the reality of so your brain defaults to thinking about it in ways that you already know and that make sense to you. Of course I'm just deducing one of many reasons somebody might think of ABMB MATZ' relationship that way...

But yes, the love between HJ and SH is already incredibly strong but it isn't a romantic or sexual love, it's a secret third thing that they've got going on. It was of course just a familial bond but now it's been twisted into something much more convoluted due to the romantic and sexual elements thrown in (and the trauma bond they're forming), but at the heart of it, neither of them are in love with each other nor will they ever be...the sort of love they share is so far removed from simply falling/being in love.

As for lust on HJ's part, he definitely feels it and I touched on it before in a previous ask: https://revospring.net/@matztick/a/116904711032926003

I hope that↑ satisfies your curiosity but if it doesn't, feel free to question me some more. I love answering questions because it helps me process and think too ♡

Thank you for reading ABMB !

Oh yeah, I feel like SH's definitely going to be a bit more careful moving forward, especially because of the circumstances of this particular crash out.

The way part 1 ends is with SH thinking that he doesn't know what he did to deserve the punishment, and it's not because SH is guiltless and thinks he hasn't been doing anything wrong throughout the fic, but because every other time HJ has snapped at him, SH has known why.

For example, the first time HJ spanked him SH had deliberately pushed his luck and had a moment to prepare mentally for HJ's reaction (which he knew would be bad.) Or the second time, when HJ used his belt on him, SH had known that what he did beforehand would exact punishment which is why he ran to his room—he knew he'd done something wrong and knew to expect HJ's wrath.

But this time, SH has absolutely no fucking idea what he did to piss HJ off which contributed to the intensity of his fear. To SH, he didn't do anything he just asked and answered a question. Taking that into consideration, one can imagine that SH will be more apprehensive when he approaches HJ for a while if doing something like asking an 'innocent' question is enough to garner a reaction that violent.

On HJ's part, he just really needed to be alone but his frustration coupled with the conditioning fatherhood has imposed on him means that communicating the desire for space didn't even come to mind (on top of the fact that SH ran away crying the last time he said something adjacent to 'leave me alone.')

But yeah, when you have a child and they whine and cry and demand your attention in whatever manner, you can't exactly tell them to leave you alone because you're overwhelmed and you need time to yourself, you have to see to their needs and put your own aside for later. Of course as your child grows and their mental capacity grows with it you can communicate more effectively and teach them that you also need space sometimes and to respect your boundaries but HJ being HJ did not do all of that. Hence, SH being needy and clingy as hell and not knowing what boundaries are where HJ is concerned...and it's come to bite HJ in the ass (HJ ofc couldn't have anticipated that SH would end up like this though so...sorry buddy.)

All of the nonsense piled up and HJ just couldn't take SH demanding any more attention from him in that moment so everything came crashing down and once it had, he took the opportunity to teach SH a lesson about ignoring boundaries and that coercion is also a violation of one's boundaries because SH is a repeat offender when it comes to those things.

On that note, yeah I think SH is going to stay away from cake for the foreseeable future 😅

About your question... “Will there come a time that he begins to view sh in such a way?” ...I'm not sure what you're referring to. Could you clarify ?

And thank you for taking precious time out of your life to read my fucked up freak shit ♡ I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart and I'm so sorry for this long ass response omg <\3