JonetsuDN

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 4d

For your next fic you should write your eulogy make it your last and disappear noone will even know you leaft

I don't think this is the insult you wanted it to be?

Before you have a conniption, I understand what you meant, but allow me to educate you a little bit.

A Eulogy is normally written, or spoken, in good manner and light heart. The word itself translates to "good words"... So, asking me to write my own is like asking me to boast, which would only feed you, wouldn't it?

And, to be fair, I have already written my own Eulogy. I was professionally tasked to do so years ago, while sitting alone for hours in grievous silence, marker to paper. And who are you to tell me to disappear? Or that "no one will notice"?

I've tried.
I've seen the consequences of my actions. The pain and trauma I caused.
So, while people online may never notice... My mother would... My sister would...
I've put them through that enough. Heck, the only reason I'm responding to this is so that they will see that I stood stronger. That you didn't sway me.

Now. I will give in a little bit, because I am nothing if not considerate to even my most obsessive fans...
While I can not complete your specific request, I can link two fics of mine that are similar.

Is that boasting? 🫤 Meh.

Anyways.
You wanted a Eulogy, instead, I'll give you tidbits of my real life notes as written in "Unraveled Love" and, even better, a word-for-word excerpt from another in "Little Light"

Aside from the finality you requested, maybe whatever you're truly searching for can be found in there.. or at the very least you can brush up on your literacy.

🔗archiveofourown.org/works/34120825
🔗archiveofourown.org/works/69459901

JonetsuDN · 1d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 5d

i miss it when u didnt speak so much u pretend to be confednt but ur so fake its annoying, stop trying to fit in and shut up

I have deleted and ignored so many bad messages.. and yet I've processed the ins-and-outs of responding to you, why I should and why I shouldn't...

If you're the same person through each platform and every message, then I don't think you can preach about confidence.

You "attack" like you know me... But you consistently forget that I am transparent online.. and transparency, to me, means that when someone uses fact vs. fiction against me, it doesn't hurt. It makes me sharper.

So let me clarify my "confidence" for you.

I have never claimed to be confident. I have stated too many times to count that I am an insecure, jealous, envious bundle of empathetic cells. I create versions of myself I think others can tolerate on surface-level, and remain open enough to let them in if they wish it.

That is not confidence. That is not strength.
That is chameleon survival...
I've made so many masks for the sake of others that I've lost sight of what my true face looked like before I even knew I was doing it. And if admitting that means I'm fake... Then I don't care to know the qualifications for being "real"

So don't come at me about confidence, not until you stop hiding behind cowardice.

JonetsuDN · 1d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 10d

I won’t spoil anything for you but there’s always a deep, almost romantic reason behind what Hannibal does..or maybe we’re just crazy enough to romanticize it 😌 Either way, Will’s manipulation is part of something much bigger. You’ll see.

But since you mentioned reincarnation, I'd honestly love to know what you think. There's this idea that older, content people often say one life is enough. Not because life is suffering, but cuz they've tasted its fullness and they're genuinely satisfied. That feels like peace.
But then I think about the other side of reincarnation.

Would you want to be reincarnated if that reincarnation is nothing but a punishment for something you did in the past and you are condemned to live thousands of tragic deaths for what you've done, carrying the weight of every memory, every agony and never allowed to forget the pain? You've lived for centuries -each life ends with you being stabbed by your lover, and in that last embrace they'd given you as you died by their hands, you had missed them, over and over again. And in every reincarnation, you're grieving..like you're trying not to break from the pain.

And would you still want to be reincarnated if, in one life, your lover finally held you the way you'd imagined countless times during all those past lives when their embraces had ended in tragedy? Every time, you had welcomed them with open arms before death. But this time, they never let go.
I feel like if anyone could give a beautiful, haunting answer to this, it would be you.
-MirrorCrush

Hmm...

The way I view reincarnation may differ quite contrastingly from other opinions.

I don't see reincarnation as a "karmatic" invention to serve justice and balance struggles. If that were the case, we wouldn't be repeating history.

Just like everything in life, down to the tiniest synapse and cell, everything is a cycle. I consider living and dying the same. But a rebirth is not predictable, it's quite random, so one life you could be a person struggling with trauma longer than the character count in a dictionary, while in the next that same person could be a someone in power struggling a different set of issues while having no worries over money or who will attack them.

Just the same, someone could be a happy person in one life but a smudge of disgusting character in the next.

Hell, someone could even become an animal, or an animal becomes a human.

Does that make my way of thinking mythological? A fantasy? 🤷🏻

I think... No matter the pain I've endured in this life, I'd still believe in reincarnation because my hope is that one life time.. it won't hurt so much. Maybe I'll get a chance to hold power and choice without it being taken from me. Maybe I'll be able to sleep without worrying if my next breath is more painful than the one before, if food is available, or if I'm simply good enough.

Maybe in a next life I'll see the people I miss and think "this person feels entirely too familiar for someone I've just glanced at..."

I wished memory stuck through each transition, so that we could learn from the past. NOT repeat it.
As I watch what's happening in the world, I may remain silent but I sure as hell am not ignorant. I do my moving quietly.
But, I'm watching the past repeat itself.. and I sit back like "and there are people who genuinely think this is fine? Even when there's proof that it is not?"

Again, it's a mindless cycle.

What is your take, MC?

JonetsuDN · 9d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 11d

Extremely sorry for replying so late. I didn't know you replied days ago.
Oh no. I looked it up, and why is it so annoying to find online? Total eclipse was easily available during quarantine.
I'm so glad you started Hannibal~ how are you finding it so far? The aesthetics are insane, right? There is no redemption arc, only what we call Will's slut arc! And are the dishes tempting?? Honestly, Hannibal's cooking asmr is a comfort thing to me. And him cooking all of that in whites - the audacity! Those blood sputters -elegant crimson arcs?

About the quote -yeah, it comes from someone who has suffered quite a lot. Rimbaud's sadness wasn't just teenage angst. He grew up in a repressive household with an authoritarian, pious mother, and his father abandoned the family early on. He poured all his rage and disgust into his poetry from a very young age. But he didn't just suffer, he chose to suffer for a reason. He saw his agony as a crucible for creating something new.
I have always taken it as a positive thing -knowing I can survive anything. I've taken weird decisions that have ended up in my favor mostly. I've got a good academic life if the emotional one is fucked up.
I'm still chewing on what you said about trauma having no age cap. That landed, maybe the 'threshold' i was thinking of isn't that things stop being unbearable, but that you learn to carry more at once? Or maybe you just get better at pretending it's normal until it isn't. Not sure.
-MirrorCrush

I haven't gotten too far with Hannibal. I believe I'm on the last two episodes of season 1.
I find it amusing watching Hannibal feed the team, and the team being unknowing. My heart pains for Will. Currently he believes he is going insane but doesn't realize he's being master manipulated by Hannibal. I also have my own questions and theories, but asking them is redundant considering I just need to keep watching 😆

Rimbaud sound's like someone I'd connect with on many levels. And it further edges my opinion that I was born into the wrong time. But, then again I personally believe in reincarnation, so maybe I had met him before and that is why I feel we're like minded to a degree.

JonetsuDN · 11d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 13d

People don't really notice u do they so u get scared of being forgotten. That's why u leave peaces of urself everywhere and call it art.
U have no talent ur work is shit

If any of this was meant to be an insult, then you've come to the wrong place.

Tried insults can't hurt when they repeat vibrant facts or forced opinion.

That being said, I don't frankly care if I'm forgotten. And I don't need to be noticed either; being noticed requires obligations. I'm too lazy for that.

And I have made it so apparent that it is nearly a neon sign that I write with the goal to leave PIECES of myself in everything I do, not to "remain known" but simply because that is how I relate with my work. That is how I can stand against idiotic AI claims. I add a specific human touch that only comes from my experiences, my perspective, and my soul.

So if any of that comes off as "no talent" or "shit" then YOU are not obligated to read anything of mine.
Just as you had a choice to state your opinion, in a style that made it seem like you've psychoanalyzed me.. You haven't.

Try this on for size, if you were truly intellectual, tell me. Why do people like you feel the need to attack, when you've so obviously read so much already? Is it for a PEACE of mind to sate the chasm of guilt for liking some of the things I write? If so, then, that is on you and your "closeted character."

JonetsuDN · 11d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 1mo

I saw this movie Total Eclipse (1995) -you can't say no to a twink Leo. His and Verlaine's volatile and scandalous relationship was really fascinating. Verlaine left his wife, shot Rimbaud, went to prison - they really dated, like really dated, back in the 1870s.
This sent me down a rabbit hole into Arthur Rimbaud's literary works and how their relationship had an impact on what they wrote.
Then I came across this quote by Rimbaud "The only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable."
It feels both pessimistic and optimistic at the same time.
But I also wonder, once you know all the real, messy stuff, you just develop a threshold for it. It becomes normal to you,even if it might still feel wild and electric to others. Or is that just what growing older (or deeper) looks like?
- MirrorCrush

Then I came across this quote: "The only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable."

I've looked for this movie and I still can't find it.. 😩
On the other hand, I have started Hannibal~

And no, growing older does not thin the resistance or threshold of the unbearable.. it's experiencing the unbearable.. and trauma has no age restriction or cap.

To say that "the only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable" in my opinion, comes from someone who had survived a life of suffering and still sees the painful beauty in it.

JonetsuDN · 19d

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 1mo

Chi Cheng has to be the elder brother.
I actually wanted to comment this back in the prologue or Ch1, but I was waiting to see if you’d add the incest tag. You are not obligated to tag everything, so i get it.
The very ending of the prologue gave such a strong main character energy.
Wei keeps getting instinctively drawn to CC even when he’s actively resisting, the dreams full of smoke/ash (clear callback to the fire in the prologue), the golden elements in the 2nd dream..it all screams blood calling to blood.
And it really feels like CC senses something deeply familiar even if he doesn’t consciously remember.
Also, calling Wei “Maverick” felt very intentional. I know what that means more personally- it’s been my username on Reddit and Letterboxd for years. CC didn’t just pull that out of nowhere, he saw Suowei.
I could list a lot more but i’d have to reread everything again.
Even if I’m right, I know you won’t confirm it cuz you deleted your own comments to keep the mystery alive 😂 And if I am right, no need to praise me -I don’t have a praise kink but i do have a strong kink to be right lmao.
If I’m wrong? If the brother is JXS or someone we haven’t met yet? Then you’ve done something even more impressive -you’ve made me fully convinced of a misdirect, which means the real reveal is going to hit like a truck.
-MirrorCrush

I'd say look out for trucks, MC~

While your connections make sense they're not fully connected just yet and I for one love this so much.

I remember when I first started, two chapters in, someone already said to me "Is JXS going to show up a beta since WSW is the only omega?" And then she was gassed when I pulled the Alpha card on JXS, now they think that's the brother.

I'm excited to unweave more to this for you all~

JonetsuDN · 1mo

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 1mo

Damn, i never thought that deep about the last days of life or what happens after, but your ocean burial plan actually makes a lot of sense for you. That’s genuinely poetic.
I’ve been thinking about my body donation to science. Like, go ahead and do surgical practices, medical research, lab learnings..whatever helps push things forward for a better future. Or even plastination for educational exhibits. Though recently someone dropped a whole knowledge list on me about how bodies can get rejected -they don’t accept just “any body.” That actually stressed me out a bit. I don’t want to get rejected after I’m dead!!
Also, the way your mom literally prescribes beach time whenever you’re in a rough patch is actually really sweet and wholesome.
Also, this weekend surprise you mentioned… it has to be some sketch or artwork by you, right? I was expecting a new character intro or something about Suowei’s elder bro, but you said you’ll release the chapter and the surprise at the same time. Though for that elder bro, I have my guesses, but you tend to have multiple alternatives for the plot, so I don’t want to be wrong 😅 that’s why i’m better off keeping it to myself for now.
-MirrorCrush

I have my body set for research and harvesting before cremation. I have universal blood so that's bound to do some good somewhere even if organs rely more heavily on genetic markers. Meh.

As for the surprise, yes. It's a full digital artwork that relates to the chapter that will be released. It's like "adding a visual for the imagination" since a lot of you got a bit overwhelmed with the details from the other dreams I wrote. I've actually teased the progress to a couple of friends and they're pretty ecstatic, so I'm hoping you all receive it well too. I went through quite a lot, including my tablet crashing on me and the app I was using losing all my files. Woot~

As for your theories.. Please, go ahead, tell me. I am wondering if I'm a basic cliche and the brother has already been caught.. 🧐

I'm excited to dig back into tV and read all of the responses. For now the brother will stay a mystery, but other things are on the horizon~

JonetsuDN · 1mo

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 1mo

Haha, water as your true home....
when you say that, are you talking about the pool, beach, or the wild open ocean? Cuz the ocean is still such a mystery to us. We’ve only explored like 5 or 10% of it. It’s literally our backyard compared to outer space, yet way more unknown. The insane pressure down there, the deep darkness, the mysterious species we haven’t even discovered yet...it’s both mysterious and exciting.
And damn, the ocean at night? It feels even more terrifying..those powerful tides moving everything around in complete darkness.
Sharks are found frequently swimming near surfers and swimmers, but attacks are super rare. It almost seems like they’re actively observing us, trying to figure out what we are.
So yeah...I get wanting to get your kicks there, but calling it home? That’s next level. Do you really feel that comfortable and at peace in something so powerful and unknown? Or is it more the controlled water- pool, lake or something that feels like home?
Either way, it’s cool as hell.
-MirrorCrush

I love the mystery behind the waters we still don't understand. I also hate the misconception of "attacks" in water, you mentioned how the sharks are closer and closer but the attacks are less, that is true. I personally believe that sharks are smarter than most of humanity, as are other animals, simply because they protect when pushed.

Humans, however, "jump the gun" (all puns intended), assume, and stereotype.

So, yeah, the sharks are probably looking at us like "What the heck are these smelly bags doing in our home? And why are they acting like we're the intruders?"

As for calling the water my home, I mean that in every sense. Home, to me, is not a location or a person, but a feeling. Home is that feeling of safety, soothing, and genuine calm. Around ANY body of water, I get that feeling. Yes, I particularly do not like sand.. that can go far far away (I have a sensory issue, sue me). But the water will always be my sense of "ahh... I can breathe"

Anytime I get in severe episodes of depression, my mom says "Time to throw her into the water" and we find some way to go to the beach. I even have my EoP filled and signed, stating that the ocean will be my final resting place.
Heck, I even tell waiters/waitresses that I am part fish to go ahead and bring me an extra glass of water, or the pitcher if allowed, because they'll get tired of me quickly. 😂

JonetsuDN · 1mo

Curious Fox 𓃦 · 1mo

Hey, you don’t have to take it that seriously. Come on, the teen like romcom energy was actually fun! You don’t need to stress yourself every time with my nonsensical questions. My respect for you won’t drop if you just stay easy and fun.
I really liked your take though -pure instinct toward the one you love, or quiet resentment leading to the other. That was interesting and even more real.
Ayeee..about the swimmer part -if we’re talking about the river Q then fair, I get the joke! But hold up..is swimming a strict criteria for people around you in real life? 😅You don’t vibe with non swimmers at all? I’m a swimmer too, but i’d still happily chill with someone who doesn’t know how to swim (though yeah, they should definitely learn, it’s a basic survival skill) if they’re interesting and fun company.
No pressure at all, you don’t have to go deep every time. The fun romcom Mia is great too.
-MirrorCrush

I didn't take any offense, 😆 I just figured if I gave you a light answer you could get the other way my brain went, too.

For the "swimming criteria" it was kind of a joke, but I really love swimming, enough to call the water my true home. So if I like someone (or if they like me) I have a feeling swimming will be a shared interest. Aside from that, I'd at least hope I had good enough taste in a partner to know basic survival, because even the most avid swimmers could have an issue in the water.

Also, now that I'm thinking about it.. is it some type of triangle or something? Why the heck were they in the water and I wasn't? Now I'm mad at me in the question. :v

And, MC, I love these questions. I'm not stressed or bothered by them. 💛