thank you! but probably not for the foreseeable future.

long story short as i got more information and context surrounding the real-world creator, i grew less and less comfortable writing the stuff i did. when i tried to return to some older wips i started, i had a bad taste in my mouth. i feel like maybe i might've written the stuff i did because i was trying to vent and "punish" adminbright through the character they created by making THEM the victim to such horrible things. it wasn't as cathartic as i thought it would be—it was the equivalent of punching a pillow while i got stressed, which meant that i'd be more likely to hit something when i got stressed. i realized it wasn't making me feel as better as i thought it might.

i think i sort of pivoted away from that in my more recent fic—i do think on some level my writing bright as a rape survivor IS a very intentional response to his creator's actions; but as opposed to catharsis or "punishing" the character i wanted to create something that indicated, "this is how this kind of trauma impacts a person." and focus on the "fawn" instinct—my VERY deliberate headcanon is that bright's reputation for promiscuity is a fawn response after having been sexually abused for several years in the 1960s by elliott emerson.

to be clear: i'm pro-fic. i think that there is such a thing as legitimate value in darkfic or taboo fiction, and that the safety net of fictional non-consent is important. but i've definitely pivoted in how i portray the dr. bright character because of the real-world context. the reason why i'm more comfortable with taboo fiction involving other characters is because they're usually separate from their creators, and weren't used as author avatars to stealthily broadcast their creator's desires or hurt people. maybe there'll be a time when i feel more comfortable returning to "torture porn" stuff with bright, but i doubt that'll be anytime soon.