There are many different types of exciting -- doing something dangerous, confessing love, pulling off a crazy stunt one never thought possible... I could think of a few moments, all my attempted dates with Rain, the time I asked out my gf, the times when I traveled into an unknown city as a teen on my own... honestly hard to pick just one moment. I try to have an exciting life, and every now and then I succeed. I just throw myself out there, I try to see new places, see new people, and push myself to do things I haven't done before, from eating new kinds of food to shortening the time of meeting a stranger and making out with them. I like that about me I just wish I had more energy rn to create more opportunities for it.

After all that rambling I guess I should at least share one of these stories: Almost 2 years ago by now I done a little visual overhaul, got a piercing on my forehead, a sidecut and intended to color my hair a certain way. For that coloring I had a few classmates that also wanted something done, and we actually organized to meet up as a group at one of our places to do a makeover day, where we had friends that could cut hair, bleached hair, and I got my hair style done there. Details don't matter much but what matters to me was that Rain was there too. They actually touched up my sidecut and done the bleach and green coloring on my hair and I genuinely had a great time with everyone. Afterwards I walked Rain and someone else home, and when that other person left I was alone with Rain and near their place, it was very late. I could likely have caught the last train just barely... but honestly I didn't want to, I wanted to stay with Rain... and after very very nervously asking them if I could stay over, expecting to be turned down yet again like so many times before (every time due to a valid reason frustratingly), this time they said yes. Since I didn't plan to stay anywhere but home they even gave me some of their clothes to sleep. We cuddled for what must have been two hours and talked about all sorts of things and then went to sleep... it was actually the first time I stayed with someone overnight I could cuddle (my gf is a touch-averse autistic person) so... yeah that was very special to me. Most memorable to me was the morning when they had to get up early-ish to go to university. Their alarm rang, they cuddled up against me for a few more minutes, the alarm rang again and they left the room to get dressed. About two minutes later the door opened again, and I saw sleepy Rain walk back into the room, back into bed in my arms and said "10 more minutes". So yeah... they were late that morning. That day was also the day where I kind of realized how much I felt for them, and that I wanted to confess to them (which I managed to do two months later). And ever since them our dynamic has been... so much more relaxed. These days they know what I feel for them and we are really good friends, and a lot of my anxieties are gone... and every few weeks or months when a window in their schedule opens up and they invite me to something or I ask to hang out I get to recharge my unique Rain-powered social battery that gives me a high for a few weeks to months.

In a way it may read a bit tragic, but I am happy, very happy. I never have my feelings reciprocated and I never have them accepted... the only person that ever approached reciprocation was my gf, and the only person that ever accepted them was Rain, so they are both very special to me and I am thankful for every day I get to spend with them.