my beanie babies 💗 · 6d
Heyy so few days ago I kind of accidentally came out to my friend lmao.
We were just talking and she was telling me about her date. Then the conversation turned to me and she kept asking me if I'm seeing someone or if I have a crush on someone. She loves playing cupid so it's her favorite topic to talk about lmao So I told her that I maybeeeeee like someone. It's my first time ever having a crush on someone (even if it's a maybe) so she was really excited to finally have this talk with me lol.
Then she got all excited asking me who is that lucky guy blah blah blah and it kinda slipped out of my mouth that it's not a guy😭😭😭😭.
I never really planned to have this conversation with anyone especially HER since it's just too complicated to explain to people. She's the last person I want to have this conversation with not because she's some kind of evil being 💀 it's because she like to gossip A LOT. She's so bad with keeping secrets she can't even keep her own secrets to herself how am I supposed trust her with mine tf!?!?
I expected her to idk maybe get shocked or react a bit since it's kind of not so lgbtq+ friendly in here but she just kept on asking me questions on who is the lucky girl 😭😭😭
I just dropped this big ass secret of mine on her and she's acting all nonchalant likeeeee I'm literally going through it. Inside my mind I'm literally imagining all these bad scenarios tf 😭😭😭
I asked her why she is not shocked at all she just went like oh I already knew😭😭😭 tfym you already knew girll I just came to terms with it just recently wdym she knew for years 😭😭😭😭
She told me apparently my Bi vibes were too strong???? what vibes the fuck 😭😭😭😭😭 I only give off major loser vibes wdym I was giving out this fuckass Bi vibes all this time while not having a single clue if I liked girls or not!?!? No wonder my mom used to think me and my BSF were dating 💀💀💀
God I got so embarrassed at that moment but looking back at it right now it it kind of looks stupid lol.
She's the first person I came out to irl, I could have chosen someone better to be my first but it's okay ig lol.
It's not like that I'm ashamed or afraid to come out to people it's just that it's too complicated for me to explain this part of me to others.
I'm asexual and many people don't really know that term here, But I do like both genders though just romantically not sexually. So I'm not planning to date anyone because it will be too complicated for me to explain this to my partner (if I ever get one lol) since the chances of me finding someone same as me is pretty low and even If I dated someone I will probably be forced to do things that I don't want to do. So it's better this way and I can't imagine my avoidant ass dating someone lol.
So I never really bother to tell my friends about this, it's not like I'm planning to date or marry someone lmao.
I had thought of telling my best friend before, yk not everything but only the fact I like both. Sometimes I think that my friends deserve to know this part of me at least.
It feels nice that I finally opened up to someone about this even if it's not the whole thing. My other friends will probably know about this soon too since she's really bad with keeping secrets lmao.
I don't really mind now since everybody kind of already knew before.
Idk why am I even sharing this with you lol probably because I miss you a lot and I'm going crazy because I can't read your fics now. So I'm just spamming you here with nonsense since I can't do it on ao3 lol.
I finally had some me time after these busy months but my shitty ass luck had some other plans lmao.
By the time AO3 comes back I will be even more busier than before T_T ughh. I'm not so looking forward to that 🧍♀️🧍♀️🧍♀️
I love you, take care!!! Hopefully you're feeling better and not worrying about stupid stuff!!
Aw thank you for sharing with me! Coming out for the first time is one of the hardest things to do, but it's something that gets easier as time goes on and you find a supportive group of ppl who love and accept you.
I think it's a good thing that she acted nonchalant! That's honestly how it should be. I would be upset if I told someone I liked a girl and they acted disgusted or said something like "You don't look gay" (which i've gotten before and it's a yucky feeling) and idk I just wish being queer didn't have to be a "surprising" thing when it's just as normal as being straight...
That said, I honestly don't know what "bi vibes" are. I'm guessing your friend just has a good gaydar lol because I've never looked at a person and thought "They give off bi vibes -- they HAVE to be bisexual!" I bet that's her way of trying to be supportive, and also her asking you to talk about your crush is very sweet! Also, you do NOT give off loser vibes. Trust me, the only person who will think you're a "loser" is yourself, so love yourself and always be true to yourself and the people who vibe with you will find you 🫶
Asexuality is a spectrum, and I think you'd be surprised how many people are on it! Being transparent about your asexuality is always important before getting into a relationship. If you tell someone you're dating that you might never want to have sex, then it's up to them to decide if that's something they're comfortable with. Understandably, they might not if they're not asexual - BUT I promise there are a lot of people who will!! I think I might be demisexual because I loathe hookups and only enjoy sex with someone I'm in love with, but if my partner never wanted to have sex, I would be more than happy with that!! That wouldn't be a deal breaker for me :)
OK now that i've read your whole message... your friend has no right to tell others about your sexuality - that is your personal choice whether you come out to anyone or not. If you don't mind her telling others, then I'm happy that you feel comfortable!! But you also don't have to be fine with it if you're not and you can tell her not to out you. Anyone who's a true ally would understand. No one deserves to know anything until YOU are comfortable with it (this is coming from someone who felt forced to come out years ago). Just take care of yourself, love <33
If it makes you feel better, I used to think I would never date anyone because I thought no one would ever possibly accept me, and I was so wrong. There are people who will accept you and love you for who you are, even if that seems unfathomable rn, so what I'll say is never lose hope and keep being yourself!! And if you decide later on that you never want to date, that's completely fine too!
Thank you, lovely!! and i love you too!! 💓💖
