no but seriously its just playing over and over in my head on a fucking loop dude like, i cannot even begin to imagine what was going through chan's head because like. i can FEEL how hyunjin felt, that sheer frustration, that little voice in the back of your head whispering that you're not good enough, you're not talented enough, that imposter syndrome that eats and eats and eats, and most days it's fine and you can kinda ignore it, but then the days come where it's loud as fuck and drowning everything else out. i know how that feels, and i know that in that moment, the path of least resistance is to just escape. even if you're with someone you love and trust, sometimes the only way to deal with it is to just leave. and chan, in the beginning of the 2kr, asking ah do you think that my affection is a burden etc, like THAT chan, not wanting to lean too heavily, not wanting to apply too much pressure, always aware of his actions to the point it might devolve into inaction, just mindlessly getting the fuck up and following him, and not just calling out to him, or trying to solve whatever the surface problem is, but just wrapping him up and holding him and telling him that it’s okay, because on pretty much nothing but instinct he always knows what hyunjin needs. im gonna PEEL MY SKIN OFF