so the crush i’ve had for over a year now is really getting somewhere oh my gosh!! so during the months i didn’t send anything my crush had gotten into a relationship with a girl he liked which was really a shocker to me. i knew he had liked her from like 7 months ago since he told me and i really never tried to push my feelings onto him because i knew he liked her so i was really just silently gushing to myself about how cute and wonderful he was for months at a time 😭😭 but once he told me that i instantly knew i had to tell my friend and i did and she was so supportive of me and she had gone through my crush before on another guy but i knew something was different about this one. i had a few trial and errors before this but i genuinely feel so good on this one!! jump back to most recently when he started dating the girl…i think that was genuinely the worst time of my life not because they were “dating” i didn’t ever really get too jealous of that and i knew i wouldn’t because whenever i thought of them dating beforehand it never made my heart do anything. obviously it more intense feeling then it actually happened and when he confessed, the girl was kinda confused and had told them they could work it out even if she had never thought of her feelings for him before which made the red flags wave around in my head but it genuinely made me upset because i could feel the reciprocation of feelings not happening from the moment he told me they were going to be in a “situationship”. i remember when he told me and my first response was “nonononono don’t do this to me tell me you’re not getting into a situationship” and i think it was half feelings and half actual worry. i’ve never been a fan of being in a talking stage/situtionship because those genuinely pmo. for me i need something stronger and serious because my attraction relys on having a deep connection with someone. i don’t know what it is but i really trust my gut feeling so when i felt that feeling i knew there was something off. eventually i opened up to another friend about and she was also very supportive which i’m glad my friends are willingly to hear my troubles. it went through a whole month and he would always mention her out of the blue and i have his accounts on social media so whenever i saw him talk about her i felt jealous but also a bit angry because i could see how in love he was in here but she wasn’t really showing up for him much and wouldn’t even talk to him much either..i always felt bad for feeling this way because i hate my negative thoughts getting the best of me but i spoke up about it to him at least 3 times 😭😭 i think he really got the hint after i talked about it more than once and he then asked her if they were dating or not. it was a friday and i had my lunch break and i was like “hmm maybe i’ll just check my phone for a sec” and when i did i got the message of saying they broke up. i genuinely had never felt like screaming more in my life and i ran to the bathroom. i told my friends immediately what happened to and after that day things really had changed. he talked to me about how he wished he had broken up with her sooner one day which in my head made my stomach stir. i kinda always felt like at that moment he knew that i was looking out for him the entire time 🥹🥹 anyways after that we got way closer and we are kinda flirty but still a bit shy but i’m loving it. every moment we have means so much to me. he’s genuinely so sweet and i love him so much. i want to confess so bad but i feel like it’s too soon when he had only ended this off just a bit over 2 weeks ago with her…i know feelings take time to form so i want to wait i really do but it’s like kinda stressing knowing that i do wanna confess though. i really can’t wait to see what happens though and i trust that when i tell you more then he will be my bf 🥺💗💗 i don’t know why i’m telling a stranger this but thank you so much - y ♡

i’m supposed to be going back to sleep but i woke up and my instant thought was “hmmm let’s see what lapkittys is up to” and i landed here and read all your responses 🥹🥹 it’s so great to be back and i’m glad you responded too i never realized how much i sent months ago…i genuinely feel so safe here and when i get a space to talk on here all i want to do is express everything in my head!! explaining is very hard for me but i truly love when someone listens to me so thank youu <3 i’ve changed a bit in a few months and so has other things in my life!!! oh my gosh i’ll send you a bunch of stuff that has happened rn separately!! - y ♡

i missed talking on here oh my gosh 😭😭💗 i really don’t talk to anyone about the fics i read and stuff so i’ve had nobody to talk to BUT i did read your most recent “ under the midnight sun” in like one sitting (just y things) and it was so good!! it had enough sweetness and yk the other stuff 😭😭 it was SO GOOD!! i was sitting there invested and trying to predict what would happen next and i can’t remember what part i guessed would happen but it DID happen. oh my fake dating to lovers trope i love you! cl started calling him baby and cute i absolutely melted so fast oh my gosh and js realizing that chenle makes him so happy and he gets so much energy being around him oh i cried 🥹💗 the random times they were being FREAKS like woah woah woah there is already people close but they just tell each other to be more quiet like that’s another level of freak 😭😭 i love when they’re super clingy like they get me sad bad i just wanna kiss them!! all the kisses and other affections made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside even though i’m someone who doesn’t really like physical touch i feel like i’ve been craving it more. the “GAY S*X” shirt had me giggling too that i told my friend about it and they were just as surprised as me 💗 it’s crazy to me that it was a gift like WHAT GIFTS ARE YOU GIVING YOUR FRIENDS…anyways the ending was so flipping good i was going crazy when i realized cl said that they weren’t even “dating” and it broke js heart so much i felt so bad :((