hellohellohello this is an excruciating ocd-driven rant that I feel obligated to confess to you because I am mentally ill. for context I am the person who suggested that genderfluid renjun fic idea and also I praised you for the autistic renjun fic BUT in addition to those I was also the user previously known on x as "transjun" I think I sent you a dm a few weeks ago where it was like "come back you need to bring back renjun mpreg" with my attached image of the sacred renjender (renjun gender) expression chart but I just wanted to clarify that I have never actually commented on this revo until the other day when I told you that fic idea HOWEVER I have been lurking since before all those renpreg comments were deleted I'm assuming you deleted them because it felt like harrassment like "WRITE RENJUN MPREG!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!!" so therefore I did witness all of the comments but not until AFTER I had already sent that dm so I saw the renpreg people come and go and at first it was like one or two comments but then whoever made them fucking kept GOING and then I noticed that after a little while all the comments were gone so I was like oh you were probably fed up with people demanding fics so you deleted them and then I started kind of spiralling like oh my god what if thefunboys thinks it was ME, x user @Transjun, who made all the requests and I was fucking MORTIFIED like NO PLEASE IT WASN'T ME and I was afraid of being perceived as this creep who has an mpreg fetish or something and you would look back in your dms and look at me and scoff "look at this FUCKING FREAK with the renjun mpreg fetish I am DISGUSTED AND ANNOYED!!!!" and the thought of being perceived like that by anyone at all ever even though it's the internet and everyone's anonymous was still horrifying to me especially if it was you who I respect deeply as a fan fiction author and dongren analyser because I really enjoy your posts you talk about dongren's relationship so beautifully and your fics are yummy delicious THE BASELINE IS that I was really really scared of being perceived by someone I respect as a creep with no boundaries and a pregnancy fetish. so I just wanted to tell you that. I considered dm'ing this instead but I didn't know if you would reply judging by my last message and in any case all the renpreg discourse is located here. if you couldn't tell by this egregious rant I have debilitating existential ocd and mental health issues which I alleviate suffering from by consuming my favorite pieces of media. nct dream, specifically renjun, is one of my three special interests. unfortunately the things I love most are also what torments me and sends me into unending psychological spirals and this is evidently one such case. I'm tired!!!! I'm so fucking tired!!!! but at the same time my interests are my lifeline so what the fuck am I supposed to do!!!! but I think I'm done talking now. regardless if you see this or respond, I will now choose to fade back into obscurity and anonymity while silently enjoying tweets of people talking about renjun's gender-ambiguous fashion. I have been Transjun and my rant is now over. thanks for reading and have a good night. cue the credits and outro music