its hard to like, pinpoint exactly what shaped it for me. the therian aspect in general came from a burning desire to take more control over my identity, largely because of how much disability (or more accurately societies treatment of it) hinders my ability to feel in control.

as for the cow direction, it started primarily as a sex thing, before i realized it was something more. there’s a big mix of fetishes that overlap with cows and the folks around me that i was intimate with gave a lot of space to explore that. if i had to guess when it shifted beyond just sex, it was probably my previous relationship. my partners would often show affection with cow theming and it was always really flustering and nice. i think it wasnt until after the relationship where the therian things clicked into place but i definitely would say the dynamic with my previous partners just introduced such a new and refreshing way to Be and to feel loved.

so uh tldr pervert sex and later on really sweet shows of affection outside of the pervert sex