thank you anon! im glad you enjoyed it! it's mostly bc as dh says, he didn't want to lose renjun, and didn't think giving themselves a chance would end up in anything different than a disaster. he thought renjun would fall out of love with him at some point, but it wasn't happening and he just slipped into that toxic circle of hurting him to make renjun stop loving him. just like renjun was stuck, dh was trying to make both of them move on and keep living as usual (but it didnt work obviously). dh wasn't brave enough to take a risk so he tried to keep doing everything he would have done if he didn't like renjun and renjun didn't like him, in an attempt to actually force that situation