[answered on: 5/3/2022]

Oh yes... well... because it's fun-! And like *twirls hair* I dunnooo, it's almost so mystical and novel to be allowed into the world of girlness... That's something I've never experienced before.

I should mention, I like, have always been rather feminine, and enjoyed feminine things. Distinctly so; as a kid I was enchanted by frilly froufrou stuff, bows, ribbons, tutus, like THE most cartoon depictions of femininity... I mean, I just liked fairies and ballerinas and mermaids wwww... Always have been drawn to cutesy things with big shiny eyes, love the color pink, love all the accoutrements of ♀️. He was out there watching Barbie and MLP movies. Once I hit my weeb phase in middle school, I obsessively read and watched a lot of shoujo manga and anime. Fell hard into FiM when it came out too. And ah, well as a late teen I eventually reached my final form of being a full-blown idol otaku. So, historically, I've never had an aversion for being associated with this stuff. I readily surrounded myself in it.

That being said, I never really felt like I succeeded in embodying "girl", by myself... The feeling has always been that of merely being a spectator and admirer, peering in on things. But it wasn't realistic to ever expect myself to BE girl, idk, I couldn't imagine it... I would get wistful about it, since I love shiny eyed moe anime girls so much and love feminine clothing. I got so much out of observing it, that I felt like it would be fun to BE this... So I'd be sad that I wasn't born some petite fairy-like girl. As, like, a fat tall guy with wall eyes, I just felt like there was 0 chance of me being seen as anything remotely adjacent to 'girl'.

But um, Avvy really helped me explore this finally, when I got to know her... since she really loved my femininity... When we first met, I was in a bad place with my self-esteem, actually, and was just wearing polos+basketball shorts, and I had shaved my head (for various reasons). She helped me actually start accruing pretty floral leggings for the first time and nice sweaters, tops, eventually skirts... Before that, I had just a handful of floral print tops I had thrifted, and 1 rather ah, neutral dark green dress. Those already felt bold to wear, but they were very humble beginnings. Avvy really helped me develop a whole style~! It helped that I loved how she dressed so much, I pretty much just wanted to mirror it, though with my own touches.

Presently, MOST of my wardrobe is women's clothing!! And me and Avvy share skirts and tops sometimes <3 I love this being the case now... I dunno, I just like girl clothes!

My self-esteem improved greatly with this change... and! The most magical thing of all, is now in public, when with Avvy, I get seen as a girl! With her! It's so fun and new. Something new that has happened also, that never would happen before, is I get complimented by women ;; They'll like, say they like my hair or necklace or shoes, my outfit... It's amazing! I feel like, transformed by proxy of being with Avvy. The power of our matching outfits... makes me something dainty and cute, somehow. Really a super fun magical feeling like never before!! What's amazing is this happens even though I have like, jaw fuzz? I have like, a shrimpy little neckbeard, but it doesn't seem to change anything.

... I have to say, there's also quite a unique, kinda playful flavor to this all... That I'm out and about with Avvy in a skirt, but then I go home and get my dick sucked. Lol. Also Avvy still just uses "he" when we're out and about and I think this is a fun dose of confusion. Who is "she", you'll never know.

Basically, I feel like I've gone from being a distant spectator, to being accepted as a part of girl-world. But ah. But also it still feels like I'm 'outside' of it, in a way, but — like, it's hot now? It's become a voyeuristic thing. I feel like a boy who got into the all-girls sleepover, secretly... This is why I kind of feel like a trap but for lesbians www

I sorta feel like I'm LARPing the experience now, and it's really fun and I love it. For me, there's this sort of nexus of being attracted to girls & wanting to experience it firsthand. As a result of this all, I've also been embracing my kins that are girls, and making ♀️sonas to pair with Avvy's. Finally getting to really relish in f/f stuff as a result... Feeling as though I am actually a part of it! (I've shipped f/f in the past but would sometimes get sad, again, just feeling only like a creepy guy who will never get to be this...) For yuri, the common arrangement is dickgirl(me) + cis girl(avvy) but I also can enjoy fantasies where I'm a cis girl too lately, so there's variety... spice. No matter what the arrangement, though, I specifically like exploring girls who are struggling with feeling like their sexuality is bizarre, or weirdly inappropriate for themselves. Like having the soul of a pervert guy trapped in girl body. Not very ah... girl of you, to want to fuck pussy really hard (⬅️ this isn't true but their brains have not yet expanded)

Man I'm rambling, these may all be very tangential thoughts; I'm just covering both IRL + fictional exploration of this all. I enjoy being a girl with Avvy in all worlds hehe💞💞