Hello!! Thank you so much for reading my works!! First of all, I want to clarify that this answer will be based only on my personal opinion and experience, so it doesn't mean this is the only way to view or understand things.
It's never easy to fully understand it in a way that it wouldn't hurt, but the reality is that not everyone will read or like the way you write. Despite the popularity of the ship or the theme, it's just how it is, since people have writing style preference etc. And the hate that you might (or might not) receive on your works also has to be seen in a certain way - people who leave hate are people who either have nothing better to do or want to be noticed but, for some reason, choose the worst ways. Because the easiest thing to do if you don't like something is to skip it, there is no reason to speak it out loud, unless you certainly have too much free time on your hands. I guess, I'm just trying to say, there is no right way to avoid hate - if it will happen, it will happen. But the most important part in that is the way you take it.
For me, writing was always a hobby that I don't want to turn into a job. I could have started writing original works and tried to become a writer, but I don't want to, because as soon as it becomes work, I know it will take a part of the happiness from me. So this is to answer your question about update demands - if you won't post an update until they apologize (which they probably won't), who are you really punishing? Them or yourself? In my case, I would be surely punishing myself, since I'm writing and sharing my works out of love for writing and not for another reason. My best advice is to either ignore these comments or delete them (same goes for hate ones), or reply shortly (I will update when I can) and then proceed at your own pace. But stopping updates completely and wait for something to change is never the option, you will only make yourself sadder.
As I said, you can't change anything about disrespectful people, but you can shape the way you take it - since writing fic is just a hobby and you don't get actual profit from it, you can choose things and messages that you want to see and ignore those that are not worth your time OR nerves, tears, and anxiety.
The space for sharing works used to be different, I have to admit that. It changed and might be not as safe as it used to be sometimes. Yet if despite that, we feel desire to share our writings, just for for it, I think we have to adapt to it too, by building a safe space for your needs. I hope you can find a way that would work for you.